What We Can Learn From Failed Resolutions + Tips For Setting Sustainable Goals

The start of a brand-new year often inspires many of us to make resolutions. The sense of newness that a clean slate brings can be wonderfully energizing, and I'm all in favor of taking a boost anywhere we can find one.  

However, that same positive momentum can suddenly feel like it's working in the opposite direction as soon as the first setback occurs. That disappointment can trigger a spiral into self-criticism or just giving up altogether unless we know how to handle ourselves with both honesty and compassion.  

As a clinical psychologist and admittedly a lover of goals, I'm eager to share a few of my tips to help you find a healthy stride with your resolutions this year, if you choose to make them.  

The most successful people in life understand that life's most challenging goals take time to achieve. This means that if you stumble on your goal path, the most productive thing you can do is not to consider yourself a failure–instead, ask yourself what the stumbling block is teaching you about how to prepare for next time.  

Sometimes, we make goals or resolutions based on pressure from others rather than from a personal, internal drive toward the goal. Psychologists consider the former to be "extrinsic motivation" and the latter to be "intrinsic motivation." Intrinsic motivation, which comes from within, is the strongest. If you suspect that your goals come from extrinsic motivation, then consider getting in touch with your real goals and pursuing them wholeheartedly.  

While it's true that goals are often best framed in specific terms (i.e., "I will do 20 minutes of cardio three times per week"), don't get too caught up in the details, and allow yourself room to see the bigger picture. 

For example, say you have a pretty sedentary lifestyle, then start your new year with a resolution for a thrice-weekly fitness routine. Even if you only manage to include exercise in your schedule twice per week, I believe you can count that as a win. After all, you still made huge strides in promoting an active lifestyle. 

Remember, your resolutions should exist to support you, and the pointers above are meant to liberate you from static expectations. The key is just to make sure the goals you're chasing are truly your goals, and to give yourself credit for staying engaged despite (perhaps especially for!) encountering challenges along the way.